I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
