I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
