you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
