Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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