Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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