I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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