I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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