is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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