Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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