He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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