He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
