Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
