stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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