so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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