i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
