I think I won the penis lottery.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
