you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
