so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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