smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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