oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
