make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
