I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize