I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
