This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
