During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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