Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
