You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
