so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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