And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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