my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
