you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
