In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
