Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
