thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
