I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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