Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
