Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
