ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
