white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
