I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
