I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize