I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize