Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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