Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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