Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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