the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize