Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
