am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
