I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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