Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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