Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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