I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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