Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
