Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
