All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I didn't notice because vodka
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
