So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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