Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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