Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
