i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
