I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
