I wish I could teleport
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
where are my eyebrows?
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