my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
