WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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