Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize