my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
