Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
