Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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