were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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